am beyond overwhelmed 

Now that I have taken the role of a leader I am overwhelmed not by the workload or the schedule not even the outputs that I have to submit at the end of the term but by the time and process of waiting to accomplish something. I believe that I have yet to discover things about my organization however knowing this much made me want to do more but not by being submissive but by changing everything that I believe is wrong.

However by wanting to do this much change and development, a huge step needs to be done. This step might not be a big deal to some of you but to me it is. Ever since elementary I never had the ambition to run for any position. However I always end up as having the job. To be honest, I feel nothing when I’m given the position; that’s why I somehow understood what other people felt, people who wanted the job more than I do. I did see them work their ass off just to get it. These words are the ones that I have always heard or said to me and worse; it even came from a former friend of mine.

I know that I am nothing compared to their efforts, but it doesn’t mean that I did nothing. I always had a hard time because when I work I make sure that I give it my all. Maybe  it’s not that obvious but I also feel fatigue, I also get hurt with things that you say and I also get scared to move knowing that people around me expects too much from me.

However, after learning and hearing a lot of things with regard to a system that doesn’t function well I feel that I cannot turn a blind eye and just ignore it especially when I know that it can be changed.

I think I have finally realized how it feels like to want something for yourself. ( I think, but I’m not yet sure if this is that kind of feeling. ) Well, I hope that whatever I decide will be beneficially not just for me but for everyone as well.


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